Pronouns
What are pronouns?
We all use pronouns in place of nouns when we communicate (e.g. I, you, it, we). We may also use gender pronouns to refer to people (e.g. she/her, he/him, they/them, xe/xim).
Some people may use a combination of pronouns, such as he/they. This means that this person is comfortable for people to refer to them using both he/him/his and they/them/their pronouns.
Most people have pronouns that they feel comfortable with other people using to refer to them.
We should all address and refer to others using the pronouns that are correct for them. Using a person’s pronouns is a form of respect and validation.
Using pronouns in everyday conversation
Let’s think about how we may already use pronouns in our everyday conversations.
“When the summer holidays ended, she went back to school.”
“A person left their phone at that table, could you keep it behind the till in case they come back to collect it?”
“Have you visited Lorenzo’s new bakery? He said that it’s doing really well so far.”
Everyone has pronouns that they like to be referred to, including gendered pronouns such as she/her/hers, and gender-neutral pronouns, such as they/them/theirs. In some cases, some people may prefer to be referred to by a combination of pronouns, such as he/they, which means that they use both he/him/his and they/them/their pronouns.
It is also important to note that pronouns have been used for decades. In addition, “they” can be a singular pronoun, as shown in Shakespeare’s The Comedy of Errors “There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me. As if I were their well-acquainted friend”.
Some people may use neopronouns such as xe/xir or ze/zih. Neopronouns refer to sets of pronouns that were developed in the 19th century and are intended to be used without the context of gender.
How do I know what pronouns someone uses?
It is not always possible to infer a person’s pronouns from how they present. This includes how someone may appear, or by the name they use. By assuming what pronouns someone uses, people can, for example, misgender people with gender-neutral names such as Alex or Sam.
If you do not know what pronouns someone uses, all you need to do is ask! The process of doing this is similar to how you would share your name. If you feel comfortable, you can say what your pronouns are before asking others for their pronouns.
If the other person does not feel comfortable disclosing their pronouns, that is ok. This is because sharing pronouns is a personal choice.
A good principle is to use someone’s name until you know what pronouns they use. You can also use they/them/their pronouns until you know the pronouns a person uses.
However, if you know a person doesn’t use they/them/their pronouns then don’t use these pronouns to refer to this person. Also, people may use different pronouns in different situations. This could be for a number of reasons, including that they may not be ‘out’ with everyone. A useful way to remember is if a person requests that you use specific pronouns, you should respect the wishes of that person. If the person asks you to use specific pronouns around different people eg “he/him/his” pronouns in one setting, and “they/them/their” in another, respect this and ask how they may want you to correct others for using the incorrect pronouns (if they want you to correct others at all!).
Reflection task:
Imagine yourself in the following scenario as you reflect on what we have learned thus far:
You are a new employee called Alex who has recently joined the University. You are a cisgender woman called Alex who uses she/her/hers pronouns, and people refer to you as “him”. You may also be a cisgender man called Alex, who uses he/him/his pronouns, and people refer to you as “her”.
How would this make you feel? What would you do to correct people?
How would you expect people to respond and change their behaviour?
How do I share my pronouns?
If you are cisgender, sharing your pronouns shows solidarity with trans peers as it provides reassurance that you try not to make assumptions about what pronouns people use. If you have managerial responsibilities or chair meetings, you can make a real difference by sharing your pronouns. This is because you will be helping to create more respectful and inclusive spaces by normalising pronoun disclosure. However, as stated previously, sharing pronouns is a personal choice. There are many reasons why some people may not share their pronouns, such as if they are in the process of transitioning and they are not sure what pronouns they use. Therefore, if people do not want to share their pronouns, we should respect their decision.
While using the right pronouns is of particular significance to the LGBT+ community, it is also true that everyone uses pronouns. Therefore, it is important that we use the correct pronouns for everyone to show people that we respect and accept them as they are.
If you feel comfortable doing so, below are some ways that you can share the pronouns you use:
Your email signature, e.g. “My pronouns are she/her”; “I use she/her pronouns”.
Introductions in, for example, meetings: “My name is Joe Bloggs, my pronouns are he/they, and I work in the Student Education team”.
Alongside your name in meeting minutes, team structure charts, and name lists.
When introducing yourself to others, e.g. "I'm Felicity and I use she/her pronouns".
Quiz
#1. What are some of the ways you could share your pronouns? (Please select the three correct answers).
Select all that apply:
Results
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